The book With No Pictures - by BJ Novak
This book looks serious but is actually COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS! If a kid is trying to make you read this book, the kid is playing a trick on you. You will end up saying SILLY THINGS and making everybody LAUGH AND LAUGH! Don’t say I didn’t warn you. ... This is a book with no pictures. It might seem like no fun to have someone read you a book with no pictures. It probably seems boring and serious. Except... Here is how books work: Everything the words say, the person reading the book has to say. No matter what. That’s the deal. That’s the rule. So that means... Even if the words say... BLORK. Wait - what? That doesn’t even mean anything. BLUURF. Wait a second- what? This isn’t the kind of book I wanted to read. And I have to say every word the book says? Uh - oh... I am a monkey who taught myself to read. Hey! I’m not a monkey! And now I am reading you this book with my monkey mouth in my monkey voice. That’s not true...I am not a monkey! Yes, I am a monkey. Also, I am a ROBOT MONKEY. What?! And my head is made of blueberry pizza. Wait a second - Is this whole book a trick? can I stop reading, please? No?!! And now it’s time for me to sing you my favourite song! A song? Do I really have to sing a - Glug, Glug, Glug, My face is a bug I eat ants for breakfast right off the ruuuuuuuuuug! This book is ridiculous! Can I stop reading yet? No?!? There are MORE pages?! I have to read the rest?!?! My only friend in the whole wide world is a hippo named BOO BOO BUTT And also, the kid I’m reading this book to is THE BEST KID EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE ENTIRE WORLD Oh really? and this kid is the smartest kid too, because this kid chose this book even though it had no pictures because kids know this is the book that makes grown ups have to say silly things! and... make silly sounds like... oh no oh no here it comes... GLURRR-GA- WOCKO ma GRUMPH- a-doo AiiEE! AiiEE! AiiEE! BRROOOOOOOOG BRROOOOOOOOG BRROOOOOOOOG OOOOOOOmph! EEEEEEEEEmph! Blaggity-BLaGGITY GLIBBITY-globbity globbity-GLIBBITY beep, boop eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeee Ba- DOOOONGY FACE!! Please don’t ever make me read this book again! It is so...silly! In fact, it is completely and utterly preposterous! Next time, please please please please please choose a book with pictures Please? Because this is just too ridiculous to read.
