Adoption Questions: Is visitation, after an adoption, a good idea?
Transcript: Hi, Steve Kirsh and Yogi here, with, hi good boy, with the answer to today’s adoption question. Get settled there. The questions is: “I am thinking about doing an adoption, placing my baby for adoption, giving my baby up for adoption, putting my baby up for adoption, and I want to know if visitation is a good idea?” For a lot of women who are first starting to think about adoption, the idea of being able to visit the child is very appealing to them, until they get to thinking about it. For a lot of women, in fact most women who proceed with an adoption, they do so because they want what is best for their baby. Adoption is not a babysitting arrangement. A woman who makes an adoption plan, gives her baby up for adoption, places her baby for adoption, puts up her baby for adoption, is entrusting another person to become the parents of that child. The birth mother and birth father’s parental rights are terminated in an adoption. A lot of times I see women who want visitation and insist on visitation because they want to remain a part of the child’s life. If that is what the mother is after she is never going to be satisfied with the visitation arrangements, and it is likely that the adoptive parents are not going to follow through on their promise, which, by the way, is not an enforceable promise. If the adoptive parents offer visitation, or agree to visitation, it cannot be enforced in law. I recommend to expectant moms, and birth moms, who are thinking about visitation, they think about what it is they are really after. If they want to know the child is OK there is…( ..Yoges…) If they want to know that the child is OK there are other ways of doing that. Letters, photographs, Skype calls (… Yoges… Yoges… We are in the middle of shooting a video). Skype calls, text messages… There are other ways to…. (Hanna howling) Don’t do it Yoges! Don’t do it! (Hanna barking) (laughing) Ok, go see whats… (laughing) (dogs barking) Yogi had some place to go. (laughing) So, when a woman says to me, “I am thinking about visitation,” I ask her what it is she really wants. If she wants to know how the baby is doing, there are other ways to accomplish that, without the visits. Skype calls, letters, photographs, video. There are all kinds of other ways to do that without the personal contact with the child. What I have found, and what a lot of moms that we have worked with have found, is that while the visits seem appealing initially, it is hard to say goodbye after the end of each visit. And, for many of them, they find that just knowing the child is OK is what they want. I hope that is helpful. Visits work in some situations, but for the most part there are other ways to accomplish the same thing. Thank you We would love to hear your questions @ bit.ly/AdoptionQ For more information on adoption please visit: www.IndianaAdoption.com Kirsh & Kirsh, P.C. 317.575.5555 800.333.5736 #Adoption Questions Is visitation, after an adoption, a good idea?
