The Hobbit: An Unexpected Rap
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Rap - a music video parody of the Peter Jackson film, "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" by Frog Island Comedy Written and produced by Ryan Fox, Cooper Barnes and Liz Stewart Music engineered by Chris Constable Directed and edited by Cooper Barnes Starring Cooper Barnes, Chuck Ganchorre, Tara Shea, Liz Stewart, Ryan Fox, and David Craze as the Dwarves Hunter Davis as Gandalf Walter Harris as Bilbo Indira G. Wilson & Devyan DuMon as Jersey Shire hobbits Liz Stewart as Smaug AD/DP: John-Michael Thomas Special thanks to John-Michael Thomas, AJ Martinson, and Oscar LYRICS: COOP: Awwwwwww Look who it is! Everybody knows COOP: The stylin' little midget with dem hairy toes RYAN: He's got pointy ears and his pants are saggin' CHUCK: Our #1 homeboy ALL: Bilbo Baggins! BILBO: Oh, do come in. I'll make us some food. DAVE: You know I loves me some fried chicken RYAN: Dude! RYAN: Er, what he means is- your hobbit hole's tight! LIZ: Not smelly TARA: or dirty CHUCK: No worms in sight! BILBO: Pray tell, Gandalf, why I have so many guests? GANDALF: We about to embark on a muthafuckin' quest! TARA: So bust out the seed cake LIZ: and pour us some ale COOP: And sit right back and we'll tell you a tale COOP: Let's blast to the past, way back when COOP: Between the dawn of the faeries and dominion of men LIZ: We dwarves had it made in Middle Earth RYAN: We was rollin in money, and bitches and mirth LIZ: When along comes Smaug and we under attack... DAVE: Jackin up our hood CHUCK: Man dat dragon is whack! TARA: He smoked all our peeps, breathin his fire CHUCK: They all got wasted like the Jersey Shire RYAN: He took what was ours, and ruined all our fun COOP: Five finger discounted our duckets, son! RYAN: That dragon is evil! TARA: But who can stop it? GANDALF: THIS most fly and funky fresh hobbit! BRIDGE: Dragons and Elves and Dwarves and Goblins... Giants and Eagles and Swords and Goblins... Man Eating trolls and Wargs and Goblins BIG ASS SPIDERS AND OF HORDES GOBLINS! CHORUS: Where we goin? We goin' there and back again! Yo, where he goin? He goin' there and back again! Yo, where we goin'? We goin' there and back again! It's an unexpected journey, shorty! BILBO: What in the world does this have to do with ME? LIZ: You gonna help us pull a B&E. COOP: Cuz you're small and you're quiet and we got the feelin'... BILBO: That because I'm a hobbit I'd be good at stealing? DAVE: Er- No- we just meant- you people are skilled- BILBO: You people? RYAN: Fool, are you TRYIN' to get us killed? CHUCK: We ain't got all day yo, so how about it, playa? CHUCK: You gonna be our mudderfuckin dragon slaya? BILBO: Adventures make you late for dinner! COOP: Bilbo, don't be a dildo, LIZ: We thought you wuz a winner! BILBO: Now just hold on -- I don't like this one bit! TARA: Let's leave yo, This pussy ass hobbit ain't shit! CHORUS: Where we goin? We goin' there and back again! Yo, where he goin? He goin' there and back again! Yo, where we goin'? We goin' there and back again! SMAUG: Ra Ra like a dungeon dragon! COOP: Takin' walks by yourself, your life's pretty lame TARA: Hiding in your hole, you ain't got no game! LIZ: No glory, no balls, no fine ass lady hobbit GOLLUM: If he wants it, he shoulda put a ring on it! BILBO: Fine, I'll kill your dragon- I'll make us all rich! GANDALF: Well done, my boy, I knew you weren't a bitch. GANDALF: Pay no mind to these mannerless wretches DAVE: Who's this hottie? BILBO: Hey, that's my precious! BILBO: This book's pretty short. How long will this be? RYAN: Two long movies COOP: eh, let's round it up to three! CHUCK: P. Jackson gets richer with every ticket sold PETER JACKSON: Give me the give me the give me tha gold! CHORUS: Where we goin? We goin' there and back again! Yo, where he goin? He goin' there and back again! Yo, where we goin'? We goin' there and back again! It's an unexpected journey, shorty!
